News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
