I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
