dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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