I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
