It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i dont even know how to be here
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
