if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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