I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
