so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
