Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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