it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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