i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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