I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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