Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
