he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
