i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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