I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
