Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
