pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
