Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
