i think my tv is drunk
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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