I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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