I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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