We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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