I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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