i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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