I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
