Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
