the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
