I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
