My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
