So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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