i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
