do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i drank out of a bidet.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
