mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
