there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
