Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
