Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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