The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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