Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
