Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
