College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
