my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
