accomplished twins. life is a go
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
