I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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