i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
