just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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