Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
