did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
