Do you still have your period?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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