It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
