is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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