I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
