i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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