I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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