Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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