piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
