I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
